Robyn Brown Has No Idea What the Future Holds After Family Unraveled: It Felt ‘Like There Was a Death’ (Exclusive)

The ‘Sister Wives’ star previously told PEOPLE about her hopes of reconciling with Janelle, Meri and Christine, though she was wary of putting any “expectations” given their current dynamics

Robyn Brown says she and Kody Brown are mourning the loss of their sister wives in a visceral way.

In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE, the Sister Wives star, 45, opens up about life after Christine, Janelle and Meri Brown left their plural marriage and how their departure has felt like a “death.”

“It’s [just] Kody and I, and we’re getting through this and figuring this out, but it does feel like we lost … like there was a death,” she says. “And we’re both going through a death separately.”

“Tt feels like we’re going through a death and we’re both handling it differently. And we’re in different places with it,” she adds, sharing how she’s prayed and asked for “God’s guidance and help” through a “very confusing time.”

Three of Kody’s marriages imploded within a span of 14 months. Christine was the first to leave in November 2021. A year later in December 2022, it was revealed that he had separated from Janelle. Shortly after in January, Meri confirmed that she and Kody had split after their relationship had been platonic and distant for years. Robyn is Kody’s only remaining wife.

In a previous conversation with PEOPLE, Robyn confessed she still has dreams of a plural family however broken her current one may be.

“What I liked a lot about living plural marriage was the team effort, where I had sister wives,” she said, sharing how she “really wanted that camaraderie” and sense of “sisterhood” in addition to her marriage to Kody.

“I wanted that experience of my sister wives loving my children and being able to love their children and feeling like this kind of big, happy family, big group of people that really cared about each other,” she said. “So that’s what I liked about it.”

While collective harmony and reconciliation may seem like a lofty goal, Robyn shared her hopes that it would still “possible” for everyone to remain a “family.”

“It looks a little different,” she said of the family’s current dynamics. “I sure hope it’s possible, but I can’t have expectations. I can’t put expectations on people, I’m realizing more and more, as far as family and that connection and spending time together and stuff and operating kind of a family. So I hope and I pray that it’s possible, but that will be that a situation where everybody has to choose that. So I don’t know.”

Given everything Kody has endured as of late, Robyn shared in last year’s Sister Wives: One on One special that Kody had no plans to bring in more wives, though she wasn’t entirely sure of his intent going forward.

Despite their trials and tribulations, Robyn confessed she still envisioned living a polygamist lifestyle and revealed she’s “really, really struggled” with the idea of being monogamous.

“I don’t know what to do with it. It’s messing with my identity,” she continued during the special before bursting into tears. “It’s not the future I wanted. I want that house with us on the porch in the rocking chairs with our grandkids and our kids around us. You know, the grandparent ranch. That’s what I want.”

Robyn added, “I don’t know how to let it go.”